My Car Is Fine Now
August 24, 2008
It was the distributor. $446.30. I drove it to Boston yesterday and bought some nice wool pants from The Garment District. $14. So 1 new distributor = 31 pairs of nice secondhand pants. They were not hemmed — and so, one assumes, never worn — except that for some reason one leg (but not the other) showed signs of having once been hemmed. So maybe someone, let’s call him Ron, bought a new pair of nice wool pants, and then took them to the tailor to be hemmed, and the tailor hemmed one leg, and then before he could hem the other leg Ron stabbed him in the back with his own shears and then quickly took out the hem on the first leg, perhaps with some idea of covering his tracks. I wonder whether they ever caught him.
Now they are mine. Michelle very kindly hemmed them for me; perhaps I will wear them while teaching business writing.
August 25th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
I see you’re putting your MFA to fine use.
August 28th, 2008 at 7:52 pm
Hey, thanks for the awesome Brown feedback.
I bet your pants are haunted by the ghost of Ron’s unfortunate tailor.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:41 pm
Did you ever google “haunted pants”? The results are surprisingly varied and numerous.
September 1st, 2008 at 12:31 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQldXG432Ns
This could happen to you.
September 1st, 2008 at 4:39 pm
I think you better beware, Brian. Too many bad things have happened in secondhand wool pants with one leg hemmed. Bad, bad things. The things I have seen. Well, let’s just say I think Ron got possessed by the eclair monster - much like the Familiar, but looking like a giant eclair, and not so sweet. So actually nothing like the Familiar. Well anyway. If you, when wearing the almost hemmed pants, feel the urge to kill, FIGHT IT BRIAN CONN, I KNOW YOU CAN. It’s just your pants controlling your mind through their itchy woolen fibers and tendrils.
September 2nd, 2008 at 6:17 pm
It’s a regular summer studies reunion here. Shouldn’t you kids be in school or something?
I think I will wear the pants for the first time tomorrow. Maybe I’ll report here if my internet connection is working properly (which I expect it will not be).
September 2nd, 2008 at 10:25 pm
dude, it’s because we’ve all had massive self-esteem boosts from your letters, i assume. we feel grateful and feel the need to patronize your blog.
September 3rd, 2008 at 1:24 am
Now, Brain, you sound like you object to our massive spam-out? And yes, my parents were all: Let’s frame the certificate, and: I’m scanning the copy and emailing it to the entire family. I think I would have you write my college recommendations, if I could. Emma and I have made your blog a religious experience, as has Maxine - I think.
As for being in school, 170 pages of empire falls to go! Before class tomorrow… but teachers tend to give everyone an extra day because they spend the whole first day going over ruuules. Rules are lame. We do not fallow the rules.
Rules are for those who play by them.
I set rules on fire.
Because I like fire.
Because I am THE INFERNOKRUSHER.
September 8th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
I’ll just add that all my feedback was perfectly accurate; it happened to be a strong class.